Pies & Postcodes

No football for a fortnight, fellow Fulham followers! How you may collectively kvetch and bristle at such starvations.

But like Miss Khan, I feel for you, and like two Chuck Woods, fourteen days is too long.

It’s been a football fast and like flip am I famished.

So, where have I been during this fallow, mid-game slump?

Investigating the subtle differences between a gilet, a jerkin, a bib and a tabard?

Ankle-paddling in the Quaggy?

No, my friends; when not ricocheting around like a flippered pinball amongst the hectoring hustle and bartering bustle of the market-day melee, I’ve been moping away amid the Fulhamish demimonde.

Late last evening, I found a crust of Bombardier pie on the corner of Crabtree Lane and Rainville Road. In fact, it was right on the very threshold where our celebrated realm of SW6 goes to-to-toe with that of our neighbour, W6.

Was this an epicurean revision of the beating of the bounds? Have the locals taken postcode pride to a gang-like level, and started marking out their territory with the plate-scrapings of old repasts?

Perhaps they’ve also been dipping their pinkies into some arcane psychogeographic chowder before flicking all manner of protective karmic spells around their manor, in an intra-community xenophobic hoedown?

Or did some late-night, loud-mouthed dipso, whiskied to the gills, simply discard it whilst reeling sideways across the street into an unyielding lamppost, sublimely unaware of the administrative ley-line he was trampling upon, and the connivings his behaviour might trigger within this eternally nonplussed noggin?

These rum conundrums befuddled and bewitched me as I loped off towards Stevenage Road for a last lingering nighty night.

Fortunately it’s a finely-tailored fact, that when such convolutions create havoc ‘neath me little stovepipe, one simple glimpse of Mr. Leitch’s listed brickwork soothes the psyche, and readies me for a gentle reclining into the arms of Mr. Morpheus.

Ma said there would be days like these. And like cribbins there was!

Flamin’ scallions and Up The Fulham!